Five Sentence Fiction: “Onward” [Fearless]

NewFSFBadge-1

Contributed to the Five Sentence Fiction prompt DEVOTION, from Lillie McFerrin’s blog.

My Fearless story may be about Ross and Amber, but their supporting cast is just as important. In some ways, I think supporting casts offer some of the real meat of a story. They can provide back story where necessary; they can offer contrasting views of a situation; they can help create necessary conflict – or resolution – for or between the main characters.

Neville is, without a doubt, my favorite of the Fearless supporting characters, but I’ve enjoyed creating the back stories for the others, as well….

“Onward”

She loved this tiny village by the sea, with its cool, breezy nights and crisp, sunny days; she loved the way her husband had stories to go with its every old name and hidden corner, and the way her daughter was making stories of her own, to go with every new face and open break of beach and field.

But, as much as she loved the odd eccentrics and familiar friends of this village, she loved more who she was, the purpose she knew she had. Which was why it almost broke her heart to broach the subject she’d kept secret for too long, and told her husband she had to move on, to where she could do the most good, away from here.

He paused for but a moment. Then, as though he’d only been waiting for this, he smiled, and said, “So, when do we leave?”

Which of your supporting characters do you love – or hate? Why?

About these ads

11 Comments

Filed under Short Stories, WIP: Fearless

11 responses to “Five Sentence Fiction: “Onward” [Fearless]

  1. Cliff hanger….

    “Then, as though he’d only been waiting for this, he smiled, and said, “So, when do we leave?”

    and then what does she say?
    when is the next installment?

    Randy

  2. I’m surprised you think this isn’t reflective of the theme ‘devotion’. Hubby’s response seems devoted to me. Unless you were thinking in terms of something else?

    I like the intrigue of this piece and what her story is. I like the feeling I get from her reasons behind leaving, even though they are quite vague. They still feel honest and sincere to me.

    • Thank you, Kate. There was a lot of detail I left out of this one, because it would have made the sentences unwieldy. The price we pay for a sentence or wordcount limit, I suppose. :) Still, I’m glad both come across as “devoted!”

  3. Looked pretty devoted to me. He didn’t question her or argue, just agreed to follow. I already like this guy.

    You could almost feel how difficult it would be to leave such a beautiful paradise. Who would want to leave a comfortable place like that? Even more devotion for the guy to want to follow her wherever she goes, which is most likely not at all like this place. Good for her!

    You already know of my side character, Aurelius, and that he’s the type that’s just fun to be around. And yet, he’s also got an older brother feel, or sister, depending on what he’s wearing, so he’s not just a fun guy.

    • Thanks, spooney!

      Venus (the narrator, here) is lucky to have her husband…but Scott is lucky to have her, too. They function as the “happy marrieds” in this story – a nice counter to the up-and-down fledgling relationship of my two main protagonists – much like Souji and Yukiko do in my P4 stories.

      Aurelius is really intriguing, especially when you mention how his perspective (or perception?) changes depending on his choice of clothes. I certainly want to see more about him. :)

  4. Now this is a side of Venus I honestly did not expect, (though the first few lines made me think of Sam, and maybe I’m wrong on both). Either way, this guy is as smooth as glass and just as clear. Both should be thankful.
    Excellent take on this prompt! The devotion was pretty forward and front to me!

    • Mayumi-H

      Thanks, Shade! (Apologies for the late reply, and late commenting…I’ve been away these last few weeks, without regular connection to the Internet. Egads!)

      Yes, this is Venus. There was a line about how their little village didn’t need a nurse when it’s already got a doctor, but it made the sentence too much of a run-on, and I wanted to keep Scott’s reaction in there, too. So, something had to go.

      I see you’ve been keeping up with the prompts, so I will have to take a look!

  5. Lovely piece of flash. Leaves the reader wishing for more.

  6. Your piece really draws the reader in…entices to need to know more…where will they go?

Nom nom - comments! - nom nom!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s