Measuring up

I can’t believe I’m still obsessing over hit statistics.

Yes, even after the craziness that hit statistics caused for my life during my writing of 1 More Chance!, I’m still caught up in the stupid things. It doesn’t even really measure anything, except that someone happens to click into a particular chapter of the story. It doesn’t mean that they read that chapter, or were moved by it, or have anything to say about it (because they’re not leaving me feedback). They could have even just stumbled upon some random link somewhere and clicked through because they were curious or clumsy.

Yet, even though they mean fuck-all, I’m still checking those idiotic click-logs.

I think because I was never very popular, and I’m under the mistaken impression that popularity makes my story better…when I know Goddamn well that many popular stories are really, really terrible and some of them even have mediocre writing (hello, Twilight!), and just because lots of people look at it or leave lots of reviews, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the story is any good. It just means that it’s getting attention, for one reason or another. Maybe because of the title. Maybe because of the summary. Maybe because it’s shouting, “M/M SLASH! YAOI! LEAVE REVEIWS [sic] PLEEZE!” right there on the front page.

And I’ve always said that I would much rather have only one person read my story and genuinely enjoy it and give me thoughtful feedback on it (because that shows that you’ve actually read the damn thing), than a hundred people who just glance through and not really give a shit (or give one of those frankly pointless reviews that say only, “Write more soon!”).

But still here I stand, in the middle of my storm, waiting for someone to say something. And for what? For what, really? I really should just get back to work, and forget about the masses, and do what I’m always telling other people to do: to pull yourself up by your boot straps and hop back up into your saddle and silence every naysayer and just fucking write. Because that’s all I can really do, at the end of the day, no matter what the masses want or demand or whine about.

It’s all I can do.

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