“In His Kiss”

I seem to be ping-pong-ing with my challenges, lately. Hope that’s all right with everyone. If not…well, too bad.

100 Word Challenge for Grown-UpsThis is week 78 for the 100 Word Challenge for Grown-Ups, provided by Julia’s Place. For this week, Julia says the prompt is:
…what does it taste like…

There were no specific rules about including this phrase in our submissions, so I just ran with the spirit of the prompt.

“In His Kiss”

He smelled clean, electric, like a fresh summer rain that prickled her nostrils every time she drew breath. He felt like it, too: skin slick beneath her fingers, lips wet as he pressed them to hers. His body gave off a flowing heat she felt in wavy vapors as he took her in his arms.

Whispering his desires around their mouths, he pulled her to the ground, plucking gently at her buttons.

She let him do it all. Because she couldn’t go back to the farm. Not after that first kiss, when she’d tasted this fate on his sweet lips.

I’d considered calling this one “A Taste of Things to Come,” but, that just made me think of Shang Tsung.

Hershey's Kisses and Cherry Cordial Creme Kisses

No raunch, this time. Just good, old fashioned sweetness.

I have a character who is blind, and, in considering a tale from her point of view, I’ve wondered what it might be like to write a story without using the convention of visual description. A love scene – such as this is – is not particularly difficult, because it’s so much about what is felt, anyway. But, I’m a firm believer in using all senses in description when I can remember to do so. This prompt provided some fun practice.

As writers, we paint with words to describe. Most often, those words relate to the visual sense. But, what are your next favorite senses in description?

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8 thoughts on ““In His Kiss”

  1. Smell is supposed to be linked to memory, which I certainly agree with. So, I think I love reading and writing how certain places, people, objects smell and what it means to the character experiencing the smell.

    The smell of a fire burning means different things to different people based on their experiences/history, so the description of the smell would vary from character to character.

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    • Smell is a great one, Kate. Sadly overlooked, too. Maybe because the word itself – “smell” – has so many different connotations. But you’re right that the jolt of memory it can trigger can open so many avenues for description. It’s one I need to remember to practice using. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by!

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  2. I tend to focus more on touch, so reading that part with “flowing heat” and “wavy vapors” was nice to feel through words. And yet, I feel that sometimes, I’m a little limited in “touch” descriptions, since I can’t seem to go beyond “winter’s stinging chill upon her cheeks” or… Wait, that sounded decent.

    Beautiful work, as always! I’ll try to incorporate the other senses next time. Thanks for the ideas!

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    • Well, description is good, but we can also go overboard with it, too. So, it’s not necessarily a bad thing that you find yourself “limited” in the touch department. That limitation may just be your brain’s way of saying, “Okay, time to move on!” 😀 When I go back and edit, I’ve been cutting huge chunks of unnecessary description. It may have sounded pretty when I first wrote it, but I also need to remember to keep the story moving.

      Use the senses that feel right for the given situation. Of course, it never hurts to explore a new sense or two, either. 🙂

      Thanks for commenting!

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  3. MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! 😄
    There is a lot of affection and simple love poured into this one, making it feel very warm and, well, affectionate. It’s not quite lustful and fierce yet, which could be a few minutes from now. But it isn’t slow and awkward anymore either, so these two lovers have certainly done this before. All and all, a very warm-fuzzy inducing scene.

    I’m in the same boat as thespoonytoaster. I seem to primarily focus on touch and taste whenever I write something like this. Honestly, I think they are the easiest to translate from feeling to words to imagination of the reader.
    Imien will be an interesting one to write a love scene for indeed. Since she is blind, all of her other senses (in theory) are just a bit stronger to compensate for that, so she will feel and taste that much more, even perhaps to the point of sensing those around her and their moods from tone of voice and body heat.That and I look forward to seeing Stoll 2.0

    Great work, Mayumi! Can’t wait for more!

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    • Thanks, Shade.

      I try to keep my senses open for any scene, not just the love ones. It’s easiest to tell a story with primarily visuals, though. The balancing act is how deep do you go into descriptions while still keeping things moving at an acceptable pace.

      This little vignette is actually my first stab at Stoll 2.0, as you say. 😀 I’ve started toying with how Imien will relate to the people around her, should I ever get around to that sequel story. It’s creating some…interesting possibilities, to say the least!

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  4. I try to incorporate all the senses, although I think smell and sound get more attention that touch, which might seem odd for an archaeologist. The “feel” of an excavation is an important skill for us to develop, especially when working in areas where visual cues are less distinct than in others. Vision does dominate, though, and writing a description from a blind person’s perspective would definitely be an interesting exercise. You did a great job with it here.

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    • Thanks, JM. I like that you brought up sound. That’s one I need to practice. If music is present, it’s easy. But, when people close their eyes, I think sound tends to be the dominant sense. Thanks for the reminder!

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