“Moving On”, a “Finding Mister Wright” holiday-ish fic

Just a quick short-fic written during the commute over the past 2 days. But, when a story idea grabs me, I’ve got to write it out. Happy New Year!

This story will expire on January 5, 2017.

nolongeravailable-actuallyindeed

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8 thoughts on ““Moving On”, a “Finding Mister Wright” holiday-ish fic

  1. This might be my first time seeing Rob and Serena talking together alone like this, and I really felt the pain there. I’m curious about what happened in the car crash Rob mentioned, and what happened back then.

    What I really liked was how I can see the personalities of the characters in the tiniest of actions. Serena in particular when you wrote about how she would hold her chin up the way her father taught her in particular struck me with the way she seemed so collected, but the impact of Rob just shoving the “I’m not doing your dirty work!” was what really made that image striking with the juxtaposition of clean and proper versus the filth.

    I do want to know if Daniel and Paige were watching the exchange from inside the store, or if they were aware at all of what was going on outside. There’s so much that I want to know about these characters that I know the more I learn about them, the more questions I’ll have. Keep it up!

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    • Thanks, spooney! I have gone in and added some of that backstory about the accident in an edited version. Thanks for pointing that out; I know all of this stuff in my head, so I’m in the danger zone of taking for granted that everybody else knows it, too. This is why it’s great to get a reader’s perspective on a story.

      Thanks again for reading! Happy writing to you!

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  2. You do a great job of revealing a lot about these characters in a single scene. They all come across as three-dimensional individuals, even if they’re only passing through the action, like Paige. A tiny, tiny quibble is about “blistering.” Being from the Midwest myself, this is a word most of us would associate with scorching summer conditions rather than winter. We would use “blustery” for winter. 🙂 I’m really hoping you work these writes into a full-blown story!

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    • Thanks, JM! I have made that change in the edit. 🙂 I mentioned this to another commenter: notes and insight like yours are why I like to post these stories for feedback.

      Aside from that launching story (novella?), everything I write with these characters are short stories. I like being able to examine little growth moments like this in a briefer setting; I don’t think I could pull off a big story with them unless I threw them into a crashing drama…which doesn’t quite feel right for them.

      Thanks for reading, and happy writing!

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      • I’m thinking you could do something along the lines of “linked” stories as a larger work. Maybe take some of the vignettes with similar themes and put them together? Or one of the characters looking back at some particularly meaningful past moments, say before something like Paige’s wedding someday? 🙂

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        • Paige’s wedding day…not sure Rob could handle that one! 😉

          The main story is about Marshall, but the majority of supporting stories are about Rob, Paige, and Daniel. My plan is to publish the main story as a book with a bunch of these supporting stories to fill it out, since the novella itself isn’t very long. “‘Finding Mister Wright’ and Other Stories.” Mostly just something for my own shelf, because my collection binder is getting heavy. Maybe I’ll even come up with a snappier title. 🙂

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  3. I knew this was going to be a doozy as soon as Serena started getting attention in Rob’s thoughts. A connection like that, and the venom and pain that it generates when it falls apart, those don’t go away. You can say it all you want that it’s over and done, or all in the past, but just one little push is all it takes to send someone right back to those times.
    I think you handeled this confrontation well. The frustration and uncomfortableness were there, but there was still that undertone of what Rob and Serena were once. They don’t hate each other outright, and I don’t think they ever could, thanks to Paige. But that doesn’t mean they have to be anything beyond civil.
    Personally, I’d be curious to see a meeting like this told from Serena’s side. All the feelings and emotions that drove them apart and how they still swim behind her eyes would be a good read I think. Maybe even one for Paige, in her earlier years, as she’s coming to understand just what happened between her parents.

    All and all, a great story, and one that was definitely needed!

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    • Thanks, shade!

      This story came upon me very quickly, so I’m happy to hear that the emotions come across as intended. I have considered a short from Serena’s POV, but it’s proven difficult for me to branch away from Rob and his family. There is one brewing, though, that looks at her as not a villain. Because nobody ever sees themselves as a villain. Paige as a character grew up fast, so her perspective is tempered by great leaps in time. Something for me to consider, though. 🙂

      Thanks for reading!

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